I can’t recall the reason this incident came into my mind, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. At my previous job, there was a coworker there that was rather, shall we say, abrasive. He was constantly making comments that struck me in quite an uncomfortable manner. One of those, the one in particular that I’ve been mulling over, is the meaning of one simple word.
‘You should come out with us and do something actually fun for once!’ Or even better: ‘If it weren’t for your husband, you would go out and have “a good time” more often!’ (These are in paraphrase, of course.)
The question remains, though: what actually is fun, and who are you (a person who thinks you do, but doesn’t actually know me whatsoever) to decide what I should think of as fun? Isn’t fun a subjective word, given meaning in context by the individual referencing it?
From a typical American perspective, the “fun girl” is the outgoing one that goes out dancing, goes to the bar, gets drunk, lives by the whole YOLO (“You only live once.”) thing, and likes to “have a good time”. Those are the same sorts of girls that get just drunk enough while they’re there to make out with other girls because this is somehow attractive to men — not to mention it’s also something that I very much morally object to.
Because that’s what this coworker in particular told me should be my idea of fun, and he couldn’t even begin to understand that “going out and having a good time” is not at all my idea of a good time. Not only that, but he implied that I would actually have more “fun” if I ditched my own husband to do it!
Sorry there, buck-o, but that’s not how I operate.
What if my own idea of a good time is a quiet walk in the park with my family (yes), a hike in the woods (double yes), or going fishing, even if I don’t actually fish, because it’s so peaceful and relaxing?
Am I not entitled to be my own person? Am I not entitled to find things fun that aren’t stereotypically considered fun? What’s more, can I not find things fun that aren’t necessarily outgoing in nature?
Could I even, perhaps, find curling up on the couch with a good book in a thunderstorm and reading by candlelight far more “fun” than going out to a bar and watching a bunch of half-drunk people make fools of themselves?
What if I’m not outgoing at all and I would really just prefer to do something by myself?
My point is…I don’t know why people are always so dead-set on subjecting others to their personal opinion of what activities and events constitute fun.
Yes, this is a real “introvert problem”. And I’m really, truly fine with being one.
So please, for the love of God, stop trying to fix me.
War sucks. We all know this. Most of them are built on lies and justified by the same. Less people know that particular truth. I’m not going to go into a whole huge thing about politics and how much war sucks. This isn’t the proper time for it.
Yes, war sucks. But to me, that doesn’t mean we should look down upon the people that fought in those wars. I have tremendous respect for people who would put their lives on the line for something they thought was right…even if it turned out to be based on a lie.
My hope is for healing for those who did not die, those who awoke to the truth of what our governments were making them do. They were trying to do the right thing. So very often, the governments do not. On Memorial Day here in the US, it’s not about the government. It’s about the men and women that gave their lives (either literally or figuratively) doing what they felt was right.
So, here’s to all those soldiers, doing what they think is best, their families and loved ones either mourning their passing or struggling with the grief of an awakened soul.
May you all find peace.
I think the number one most difficult thing about deciding to start a blog is figuring out what to name it. One can have all the ideas for posts, how one wants the blog to look and act physically…but that dreaded name. What to do?
Well, here’s how I came up with my blog name, which is incidentally also my internet handle various places across the internet (although not all, lest I be confused with someone else).
I’ve always been a spiritual person. I’m always thinking and searching about topics revolving around spirituality and theology. This is one of the most important aspects of my personal life. So when I decided that I needed a new internet handle that said something about who I was as a person, I came up with viridiansoul. Why?
Viridian. The perfect blending of my top two favorite colors: green and blue (in that order!). This is what it looks like:
Lovely, isn’t it?
Yeah, I thought so, too.
But let me go into why green and blue are my two favorite colors.
There’s something very fascinating about color psychology. I’ve always been very interested in how colors effect people’s moods, because I’ve found that to be the case very much with me. It’s part of the reason why I became so interested in seasonal color analysis (which I may or may not ever end up talking about on this blog in particular). I could see from a very early age that different colors make me feel different things.
So what does color psychology have to say about the colors green and blue?
The color green is the color of balance,
harmony and growth
This is the color of balance and harmony. From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium between the head and the heart.
From a meaning of colors perspective, green is also the color of growth, the color of spring, of renewal and rebirth. It renews and restores depleted energy. It is the sanctuary away from the stresses of modern living, restoring us back to a sense of well being. This is why there is so much of this relaxing color on the earth, and why we need to keep it that way.
Green is an emotionally positive color, giving us the ability to love and nurture ourselves and others unconditionally. A natural peacemaker, it must avoid the tendency to become a martyr.
It loves to observe, and therefore relates to the counselor, the good listener, the social worker. It loves to contribute to society. It is the charity worker, the good parent and the helpful neighbor.
All of these things are reasons why green particularly is my number one favorite color. Color psychology isn’t hokey superstition. There’s a basis in real science. Green makes me feel wonderful!
And blue? Well, here you go:
The color blue is the color of trust and responsibility
This color is one of trust, honesty and loyalty. It is sincere, reserved and quiet, and doesn’t like to make a fuss or draw attention. It hates confrontation, and likes to do things in its own way.
From a color psychology perspective, blue is reliable and responsible.
This color exhibits an inner security and confidence.
You can rely on it to take control and do the right thing in difficult times.
It has a need for order and direction in its life, including its living and work spaces.
This is a color that seeks peace and tranquility above everything else, promoting both physical and mental relaxation.
It reduces stress, creating a sense of calmness, relaxation and order – we certainly feel a sense of calm if we lie on our backs and look into a bright blue cloudless sky. It slows the metabolism. The paler the blue the more freedom we feel.
Both green and blue are colors that have meanings which express my personality very well. If you’re into Myers-Briggs Personality Typing, I am an INFJ. Most of those INFJ traits (cognitive functions) are expressed through both these colors.
I like to express these traits deep down into my soul, and feel that they express the same. This may be an idealistic vision of myself, or simply something I strive to be. I don’t know for sure.
I just know that this handle, viridiansoul, expresses the whole of myself as I see me. And through these associations, I hope that others may be able to see my inner self, as well.
So interestingly enough, I’ve held onto this blog name since 2012. I’ve never done anything with it, but that’s about to change. I read a great post this morning by another blogger I follow (found here) which talked about creating a blog as a ministry. Now…I’m not really into the whole ministry thing (this may be discussed in a later post), but it sure did get me thinking.
And then I recalled that I had a wordpress blog, so I popped on over. After a few tries getting my password to work, &c., well. Here we are!
I’ve started a lot of blogs in the past, and they’ve always sort of fizzled out after a little while. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve either A- tried to keep my blog too focused (as in, on one particular subject and excluding all else), or B- far too general. One way or another, I found I sort of have a follow-through problem. I love to start projects but rarely finish them. One of the things I want to start doing with myself is being more consistent. I’d also like a place to gather my thoughts and maybe even share them.
Perhaps this blog will be the place.
What you will find here is a variety of subjects of interest to me personally. Some may be political, spiritual, or controversial in nature. The opinions expressed therein will be my own, or the opinion of someone else that I agree with.
So if you feel like reading, feel free to. If you don’t like what you read when you do, and you feel a strong desire to comment on my blog, know in advance that if you’re extremely rude or abusive toward myself or anyone else, your comments will be deleted.
That being said, I do like a good debate. Healthy, constructive debating is encouraged. Just not abusive behaviors.
At any rate, this should be interesting. I hope I can stick with it, and I hope you (plural) enjoy what you find here.
I’ve noticed that since covering, I seem to be less “available-seeming” to men in general. I get more respect, which I love, and a lot less of being hit on, etc.
I find it even more interesting because where I live, there isn’t a large Orthodox group, and other than the Muslimas that are around town, I so far have been the only one wearing my scarves in a Jewish fashion (despite the fact that I’m not Jewish). In fact, I’ve only ever had ONE instance where a man in my store at work said he thought I looked like a “religious Jewish woman”. I found it weird to note that he did not specify “married”, but rather “religious” specifically.
I wonder if it’s possible that there is some epigenetic predisposition toward seeing a woman with her head covered as being “taken”…
I peruse a lot of blogs regarding femininity. Yes, femininity. What a dirty word in this hardcore feminist day and age! Well, anyway…I do spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting on the kind of woman I am, and the kind I want to be. Feminine is at the core of what I want for myself. In many ways, I feel that I am, but I’m always at juxtaposition with myself. Part of that is because of my nature: I am unfailingly hard on myself, always striving for perfection, when I know that no one is perfect. Ever.
Yet I catch myself examining these kinds of blogs and in the process examining myself. Much of what is written is garbage. It’s not about how to BE feminine; more so, they seem to focus on how to LOOK feminine…and in doing so, attract a certain kind of man (you surely know which kind I mean– the “Alpha” male type, as they are fond of saying nowadays). I have a couple problems with that.
Firstly, looks aren’t everything, are they?
Secondly…well, I already HAVE a man, so I don’t need to go around trying to land one, do I?
…that being said, it always puts me back in mind of what MY man, K., always says about relationships (and often why they fail in the end): for men and women both, it’s all about the chase, the cat and mouse “come and get me” game. For most people, after a couple of years, the chase is gone and with it often the enjoyment of the relationship.
So that being the case, is it so wrong for a woman to strive for a feminine appearance? I wonder. I personally don’t think so, and it’s not because I wish for a more feminine look myself (thus justifying my point, eh?). For a woman, whose actions and thoughts are based on their emotions, to look in the mirror and see femininity makes them FEEL more feminine…which is the problem I currently face with my lackluster and not-feminine-enough wardrobe (if you’d call it that!). And feeling more feminine, in turn, will make her man feel more masculine. Win win, right?
The chase, too, is incredibly important. Both parties should strive to keep things lively so that “boredom” doesn’t set in. Yet, boredom itself is simply a lack of caring, isn’t it? Love is not just an emotion, as most are led to believe in this day and age. It’s a CHOICE. When one chooses to love, they will naturally notice these things more than someone who simply says they “fell in love”. Well, if you just “fell”, that means you really had no choice in the matter and you can just as easily “fall out of love”, can’t you? It’s an easy trap to fall into, and it happens all the time to all sorts of people.
For myself, though, I’m that first part there. I want to feel more feminine and right now I don’t. My clothing options aren’t what I’d like them to be right now (hand me down men’s tee shirts do not a feminine woman make…), but that’s not something I can control at the moment. So what do I try to control? At least what my face looks like. I’ve taken to wearing makeup more often than I usually do, for work AND at home. I want to feel womanly when my clothes won’t allow for it. And I also have recently gotten back into my old hobby of jewelry making, and have been making quite a few pairs of cute, dangly, feminine earrings for me to wear…which also help make me feel more feminine.
And, truth be told, this wardrobe malfunction that I currently don’t have control over has a lot to do with why I tend to feel kind of down on myself of late. I look in the mirror and see a frump, not a beautiful (or, hell, I’ll take pretty) feminine woman. And that drags me down and makes me feel down, too. The obvious solution is to get more/better/new clothes…but I’m not made of money, either.
Hopefully soon I’ll be able to find a good thrift store that sells quality, cute hand me downs. I think that will perk me up quite a bit…