Covering & Modesty

I posted this on a MBTI (INFJ) facebook group just now, when the subject of head covering came up. It came out really well and I don’t want to lose it, so I’m going to post it here for posterity. 🙂


Oh my gosh. Brace yourselves for an insane wall of text!

TL;DR version: I cover my head part time, dress modestly (so does my hubby) and we both find it great for many, many reasons!


Some of the time, I cover my head when I’m in public (not hijab style, as I’m not Muslim and don’t want to be confused with one and/or possibly offend one). I really like to do it; I feel more feminine and beautiful, and I’ve noticed that the attitudes of men toward me changes a LOT when I do. I get more respect and a lot fewer lewd glances/comments. I haven’t decided on what kind of style I like overall, so I go back and forth over covering and only do it when the mood strikes me, as opposed to those that do so full time. Most of the time, I choose the Orthodox Jewish style of covering, because it keeps me cooler in the Florida heat.

I do dress modestly, basically without my titties hanging out everywhere. I tend to wear tops that cover my chest completely (see my profile pic), with sleeves that come down to or pass the elbow (no tank tops/spaghetti straps outside the home), and pants or long skirts that are around the ankle area. I’ve never been comfortable showing a lot of leg, and even before I started getting more modest, even when I wore shorts, I would be pretty uncomfortable if they weren’t to my knee (a la bermuda shorts).

I kind of feel like the only person that should be seeing my thighs at any point is my husband, and since I respect him and our relationship, I keep that stuff covered up. For the same reason, HE doesn’t go around with his shirt off in public anywhere (and really? Even fairly rarely at home, unless we are in bed).

A lot of people might say that my thinking is backward (especially the being modest part) and I should get with the 21st century, but I personally think that more people would be happier if they were judged on the contents of their mind over how much skin they’ve got showing.

My husband has this great saying about people who walk around immodestly (half naked, which we see a lot of here in Florida from BOTH genders): “They’re showing the only thing they’ve got.” Meaning, just skin and looks, no brains or personality. I’ll take the brains and personality over “looking hot” any day of the week.

Also, that being said, why would I want/need to look hot for anyone else besides my husband, anyways? He gets plenty of lingerie and sexytimes, but he loves that I respect our relationship enough to keep my parts sacred for him and him alone. And I’m grateful that he does the same for me (because, frankly, my husband is SUPER hot, and I get a little jealous sometimes when other women look at him!). Anyways, my point is, being modest and covering up is good for BOTH of us.



A Brief Thought About Covering…

I’ve noticed that since covering, I seem to be less “available-seeming” to men in general. I get more respect, which I love, and a lot less of being hit on, etc.

10635910_4512916078268_6896381297500472373_nI find it even more interesting because where I live, there isn’t a large Orthodox group, and other than the Muslimas that are around town, I so far have been the only one wearing my scarves in a Jewish fashion (despite the fact that I’m not Jewish). In fact, I’ve only ever had ONE instance where a man in my store at work said he thought I looked like a “religious Jewish woman”. I found it weird to note that he did not specify “married”, but rather “religious” specifically.

I wonder if it’s possible that there is some epigenetic predisposition toward seeing a woman with her head covered as being “taken”…


Feelin’ (Not So…) Feminine.

I peruse a lot of blogs regarding femininity. Yes, femininity. What a dirty word in this hardcore feminist day and age! Well, anyway…I do spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting on the kind of woman I am, and the kind I want to be. Feminine is at the core of what I want for myself. In many ways, I feel that I am, but I’m always at juxtaposition with myself. Part of that is because of my nature: I am unfailingly hard on myself, always striving for perfection, when I know that no one is perfect. Ever.

Yet I catch myself examining these kinds of blogs and in the process examining myself. Much of what is written is garbage. It’s not about how to BE feminine; more so, they seem to focus on how to LOOK feminine…and in doing so, attract a certain kind of man (you surely know which kind I mean– the “Alpha” male type, as they are fond of saying nowadays). I have a couple problems with that.

Firstly, looks aren’t everything, are they?

Secondly…well, I already HAVE a man, so I don’t need to go around trying to land one, do I?

…that being said, it always puts me back in mind of what MY man, K., always says about relationships (and often why they fail in the end): for men and women both, it’s all about the chase, the cat and mouse “come and get me” game. For most people, after a couple of years, the chase is gone and with it often the enjoyment of the relationship.

So that being the case, is it so wrong for a woman to strive for a feminine appearance? I wonder. I personally don’t think so, and it’s not because I wish for a more feminine look myself (thus justifying my point, eh?). For a woman, whose actions and thoughts are based on their emotions, to look in the mirror and see femininity makes them FEEL more feminine…which is the problem I currently face with my lackluster and not-feminine-enough wardrobe (if you’d call it that!). And feeling more feminine, in turn, will make her man feel more masculine. Win win, right?

The chase, too, is incredibly important. Both parties should strive to keep things lively so that “boredom” doesn’t set in. Yet, boredom itself is simply a lack of caring, isn’t it? Love is not just an emotion, as most are led to believe in this day and age. It’s a CHOICE. When one chooses to love, they will naturally notice these things more than someone who simply says they “fell in love”. Well, if you just “fell”, that means you really had no choice in the matter and you can just as easily “fall out of love”, can’t you? It’s an easy trap to fall into, and it happens all the time to all sorts of people.

For myself, though, I’m that first part there. I want to feel more feminine and right now I don’t. My clothing options aren’t what I’d like them to be right now (hand me down men’s tee shirts do not a feminine woman make…), but that’s not something I can control at the moment. So what do I try to control? At least what my face looks like. I’ve taken to wearing makeup more often than I usually do, for work AND at home. I want to feel womanly when my clothes won’t allow for it. And I also have recently gotten back into my old hobby of jewelry making, and have been making quite a few pairs of cute, dangly, feminine earrings for me to wear…which also help make me feel more feminine.

And, truth be told, this wardrobe malfunction that I currently don’t have control over has a lot to do with why I tend to feel kind of down on myself of late. I look in the mirror and see a frump, not a beautiful (or, hell, I’ll take pretty) feminine woman. And that drags me down and makes me feel down, too. The obvious solution is to get more/better/new clothes…but I’m not made of money, either.

Hopefully soon I’ll be able to find a good thrift store that sells quality, cute hand me downs. I think that will perk me up quite a bit…