I can’t recall the reason this incident came into my mind, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. At my previous job, there was a coworker there that was rather, shall we say, abrasive. He was constantly making comments that struck me in quite an uncomfortable manner. One of those, the one in particular that I’ve been mulling over, is the meaning of one simple word.
‘You should come out with us and do something actually fun for once!’ Or even better: ‘If it weren’t for your husband, you would go out and have “a good time” more often!’ (These are in paraphrase, of course.)
The question remains, though: what actually is fun, and who are you (a person who thinks you do, but doesn’t actually know me whatsoever) to decide what I should think of as fun? Isn’t fun a subjective word, given meaning in context by the individual referencing it?
From a typical American perspective, the “fun girl” is the outgoing one that goes out dancing, goes to the bar, gets drunk, lives by the whole YOLO (“You only live once.”) thing, and likes to “have a good time”. Those are the same sorts of girls that get just drunk enough while they’re there to make out with other girls because this is somehow attractive to men — not to mention it’s also something that I very much morally object to.
Because that’s what this coworker in particular told me should be my idea of fun, and he couldn’t even begin to understand that “going out and having a good time” is not at all my idea of a good time. Not only that, but he implied that I would actually have more “fun” if I ditched my own husband to do it!
Sorry there, buck-o, but that’s not how I operate.
What if my own idea of a good time is a quiet walk in the park with my family (yes), a hike in the woods (double yes), or going fishing, even if I don’t actually fish, because it’s so peaceful and relaxing?
Am I not entitled to be my own person? Am I not entitled to find things fun that aren’t stereotypically considered fun? What’s more, can I not find things fun that aren’t necessarily outgoing in nature?
Could I even, perhaps, find curling up on the couch with a good book in a thunderstorm and reading by candlelight far more “fun” than going out to a bar and watching a bunch of half-drunk people make fools of themselves?
What if I’m not outgoing at all and I would really just prefer to do something by myself?
My point is…I don’t know why people are always so dead-set on subjecting others to their personal opinion of what activities and events constitute fun.
Yes, this is a real “introvert problem”. And I’m really, truly fine with being one.
So please, for the love of God, stop trying to fix me.