Feelin’ (Not So…) Feminine.

I peruse a lot of blogs regarding femininity. Yes, femininity. What a dirty word in this hardcore feminist day and age! Well, anyway…I do spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting on the kind of woman I am, and the kind I want to be. Feminine is at the core of what I want for myself. In many ways, I feel that I am, but I’m always at juxtaposition with myself. Part of that is because of my nature: I am unfailingly hard on myself, always striving for perfection, when I know that no one is perfect. Ever.

Yet I catch myself examining these kinds of blogs and in the process examining myself. Much of what is written is garbage. It’s not about how to BE feminine; more so, they seem to focus on how to LOOK feminine…and in doing so, attract a certain kind of man (you surely know which kind I mean– the “Alpha” male type, as they are fond of saying nowadays). I have a couple problems with that.

Firstly, looks aren’t everything, are they?

Secondly…well, I already HAVE a man, so I don’t need to go around trying to land one, do I?

…that being said, it always puts me back in mind of what MY man, K., always says about relationships (and often why they fail in the end): for men and women both, it’s all about the chase, the cat and mouse “come and get me” game. For most people, after a couple of years, the chase is gone and with it often the enjoyment of the relationship.

So that being the case, is it so wrong for a woman to strive for a feminine appearance? I wonder. I personally don’t think so, and it’s not because I wish for a more feminine look myself (thus justifying my point, eh?). For a woman, whose actions and thoughts are based on their emotions, to look in the mirror and see femininity makes them FEEL more feminine…which is the problem I currently face with my lackluster and not-feminine-enough wardrobe (if you’d call it that!). And feeling more feminine, in turn, will make her man feel more masculine. Win win, right?

The chase, too, is incredibly important. Both parties should strive to keep things lively so that “boredom” doesn’t set in. Yet, boredom itself is simply a lack of caring, isn’t it? Love is not just an emotion, as most are led to believe in this day and age. It’s a CHOICE. When one chooses to love, they will naturally notice these things more than someone who simply says they “fell in love”. Well, if you just “fell”, that means you really had no choice in the matter and you can just as easily “fall out of love”, can’t you? It’s an easy trap to fall into, and it happens all the time to all sorts of people.

For myself, though, I’m that first part there. I want to feel more feminine and right now I don’t. My clothing options aren’t what I’d like them to be right now (hand me down men’s tee shirts do not a feminine woman make…), but that’s not something I can control at the moment. So what do I try to control? At least what my face looks like. I’ve taken to wearing makeup more often than I usually do, for work AND at home. I want to feel womanly when my clothes won’t allow for it. And I also have recently gotten back into my old hobby of jewelry making, and have been making quite a few pairs of cute, dangly, feminine earrings for me to wear…which also help make me feel more feminine.

And, truth be told, this wardrobe malfunction that I currently don’t have control over has a lot to do with why I tend to feel kind of down on myself of late. I look in the mirror and see a frump, not a beautiful (or, hell, I’ll take pretty) feminine woman. And that drags me down and makes me feel down, too. The obvious solution is to get more/better/new clothes…but I’m not made of money, either.

Hopefully soon I’ll be able to find a good thrift store that sells quality, cute hand me downs. I think that will perk me up quite a bit…